


'Dan and Phil'

by themeltingsnowflakes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Break Up, pure angst, this hiatus has me writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 22:12:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17568875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themeltingsnowflakes/pseuds/themeltingsnowflakes
Summary: What if they weren't as inseparable as they seem?





	'Dan and Phil'

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a POV first person fic and I would have done it in third person if it wasn't so hard to capture the maximum angst I could.
> 
> And yeah, this hiatus is doing stuff to me.

**Dan's POV**

Phil walked to a chair identical to the one I was sitting, his eyes never turning my way; even his hair was styled away from me. The chair scraped against the floor and I froze, hyper aware of my breathing in the almost silent room. There were only a few of us, each YouTubers with our own channels, wanting to meet with the people who control our careers- more or less, anyway.

Compared to how it was when I’d last saw him, his hair was longer. Part of me hoped that he would grow it out again for old times sakes.

Maybe it was for the best that he kept it short; neither of us needed to be reminded of 2009. That was our year, the year that we became who we are today- or who we wished we were. We were closer than ever, possibly only so because our friendship was still budding, our secrets only just forming and feelings yet to surface. It was exhilarating, each time we did something that could've ended our future as ‘YouTube Stars’, but that was the fun of it.

I remember getting off the train filled with an overwhelming sense of excitement. You can’t blame me: I was seconds away from seeing the boy who changed my life in so many ways for the first time beyond a screen. No pixels or mid-conversation freezes, no static or low power warnings to cut off our ramblings.

Actually, I can still remember how he smelt that day, and how warm his body was as we hugged; the first of many hugs.

Phil, perceptively as innocent and awkward as me, was capable of reducing me to silence and being the reason I'd hidden my blush behind my hair.

He'd always preferred my hobbit hair. I hadn't planned on letting him see my curly hair that day, but as traditions go, it rained a truly British shower and poured as if it was never going to stop, drenching both of us and, as neither of us had a coat, there was nothing to do but embrace the cold weather. Although, neither of us minded. It’s not hard to picture how he looked as he laughed, the rain soaking through to our skin, his hair catching the drops before sliding down his face and mine curling into a frizzy mess.

We had fun that day, the first day that we met, and we had so many more fun experiences after that. Travelling back and forth to each other, going on journeys around the world, and filming videos together when we met up (sometimes meeting behind the camera, too).

This eventually led to us getting our first apartment together, even though I spent most of my time at his anyway.

I'd always felt that Phil was my home so getting an apartment with him would mean twice the sense of homeliness. I wish I could say that wasn’t true but everywhere we went and each memory we shared earned its place in the walls; his many houseplants, my reserved existential corridor, the wires and console parts that littered the floor of our gaming room. It didn't matter where we lived or whose house we were in, we were 'Dan and Phil', the two guys that you'd never see apart.

Well, almost.

We still shared a few laughs every day, spent our evenings playing video games or brainstorming the next gaming channel ideas. The joke's on me; I- _we_ \- thought we were fine, but at some point, my cereal stopped disappearing. I'd find myself lying in bed watching anime alone instead of downstairs with Phil which, while it doesn’t sound that bad to you, should’ve been the moment I realised that something was wrong. Plants would appear without notice, a few decorations too without explanation. We'd go shopping separately, each of us going our different ways to shoot collaborations. Phil would spend his sleepless nights alone and I would be left to think alone in the corridor, not realising that I had no one sitting next to me. I wouldn't hear the footsteps of another person trailing down the stairs in our apartment after me, nor would I hear my roommate going to bed. But it all happened so gradually, neither of us noticing until it'd gone too far.

Too much had changed and we thought everything was fine, but maybe that's because on camera we were the same people.

'Dan and Phil', the two guys that you'd never see apart, or so it'd seem. We'd watch our lives through a camera, editing out parts that we didn't need and hiding all of the empty glances and painful silences. How we'd managed to deceive ourselves into thinking that we were just like the boys that met for the first time in 2009, I will never understand. Until a few months ago, we lived this lie, believing something that we thought was real. Until a few months ago, both of us knew what we wanted; or thought we wanted. Until a few months ago, everything was _fine_. But if everything was fine, we wouldn't be sitting here now in silence, no longer able to hold a conversation. It was too painful to see, to hear, how we'd lost what made us 'Dan and Phil', the two guys you'd never see apart. Here, we sat knowing that our future was not going to be what we expected, waiting to bring an end to what we have right here in this building before things went too far and one of us got hurt.

"Dan and Phil," the women on the desk called and we stood, knowing that after this, we wouldn't be known as the two guys that you'd never see apart.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ... sorry?


End file.
